Badpie Bakery

Eeeeyup.

I just realized that it's been approximately 30 seconds since I've geeked out about Mass Effect and how eexcited I am for Mass Effect 2.  So you know...here's the trailer...it rules.

Also, as I think I've mentioned I've been spending a lot of time on the forums actually making comments and nerding out to the point where it's almost sad.

Did I mention I write fanfiction?  And that I have fans?...in Austria...yeah I don't think I mentioned that. 

I will take my nerd crown in a size fail please.

It's Totally a Year Away!

Mass Effect 2 that is.  I know I've nerded out about it a lot, but Mass Effect is the best video game I've ever played.  Well.  At least storywise.  The best RPG ever, I think.  And while there were some things in the gameplay in the first game that I thought could be improved (combat-wise), I am pretty sure they're surpassing my expectations for Mass Effect 2.  The first video here is the teaser for Mass Effect 2, which comes out in 2010, yet I've been salivating over it for EVER already.."forever already"...sounds like a Japanese game.  Anyway, here's the teaser that was released months and months ago and made me insane, followed by some video and commentary by the creators, which basically stressed me out to a whole new level.  Because...I am in love with MY Commander Shepard.  I love her (she's a chick in my game) and the thought of carrying her over from my first game (cuz it's the future and we can do that shit) into the second one and having her DIE PERMANENTLY is a problem.  I think I'm losing sleep over it.  Rambling.  Okay.  So.  Like I said.  Teaser, then some really revealing shit that was realeased recently that every fanboy/girl breathing a sigh of relief then immediately going "ZOMGWTFBBGLOL!"

  

Video Games | Mass Effect 2 | Exclusive Reveal Dev Diary HD

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

The Red Rings of Death

Okay.  Nobody panic.  No big deal.  There's got to be an explanation for this.  Sure, I tried turning on my XBox 360 last night to play some Mass Effect and it told me to go fuck myself.  Sure I started hearing awful whirring and clunking sounds coming from inside my beautiful glorious machine friend.  And okay.  All right.  There are some red lights that shouldn't be there.  I hear tale that these  lights have been called "The Red Rings of Death" but I'm sure that's just exaggeration.  Let's just look this up on Wikipedia:

When a Microsoft Xbox 360 console experiences a "general hardware" failure or "core digital" failure, three flashing red lights appear (known as the "Red Ring of death" or the "Three Red Lights of death") around the power button, in lieu of the four green lights indicating normal operation. Warning signs may include freeze-ups, in which the screen has strange, spontaneous graphical problems in the middle of gameplay, such as checkerboard or pinstripe patterns on the screen, the sound is frozen and changed to a strange, static-like sound, and the console only responds to pressing the power button to turn it off. These events may happen once or several times until the general hardware failure occurs, or not at all. Just because an Xbox freezes once in a while does not mean that the error will follow. When the error does occur, the user attempts to turn the console on and the three red lights are seen and the console will not function.

OH MY GOD.  Now we can panic.  Did you read that last part?!  The part about how "THE CONSOLE WILL NOT FUNCTION"?!?!  NOOOOOOO!!!!!!  My friend!  My sleekly designed, warm and loving escape box!!  AWW GAWWWWD! <whump> (Badpie falls to ground, flails, sobs).

This is bad.  This is real bad.  This is the greatest tragedy of my life.

Sigh.  Well I WAS gonna make an appointment at the vet for my cat, who has been coughing, but now...  I mean.  Priorities people.  (Badpie cradles Xbox in her arms lovingly) "sshhh.  Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore, baby.  Shhh."

Rethithting Urge to Thpeak With Lithp!

Okay.  You know there is a lot of geek on this blog.  So you know...deal with it.  I have been playing Mass Effect, an awesome game that I actually just got into (yes, I know it came out in '07) but I'm FPS shy.  So I waited until I got the guts.

And it has been so worth it.  A few weeks ago, when I started this awesome game, I wasn't able to really get into the meat of why I love it so much.  And that was because I was still awe-struck at how awesome it is initially.

I've been putzing around in this universe in Mass Effect, generally avoiding the last questline for one reason:  I DON'T WANT IT TO END.  I have done countless side assignments in an effort to kill time, kill STUFF and really get to know my very own Commander Shepard.  And when I say very own, I mean I determined what her past was, what her military career was, what kind of person she is, what her skills are AND I was able to make her look pretty much JUST LIKE ME.  And that's all before the game starts.  And everything in the game is different based on those decisions.

I've been obsessed with going online and watching videos people created of their games, because they have made differen't decisions than I have, and it has affected the outcome of the game greatly.  I'm sure it's just the nerd blood (which runs deep), but I feel like the fate of the world rests in my hands.  I find myself wondering if the decisions I made in the game were right.  And what sort of outcome they will have.

Each game is TOTALLY DIFFERENT.  Each decision you make affects the outcome of everything else you do.  It's like one of those choose your own adventure books except I cannot even count the different decisions you can make, including choosing to leave behind this or that member of your squad at a pivotal moment.  Yes.  You decide who dies.  On numerous occasions.  But you don't know it until you've made all your decisions.  It's heavy.

Also, the game is ridiculously sexually charged, whether you're a male or female character.  And by the time you get to the romantic love scene (which I haven't because I DON'T WANT IT TO END and it's at the beginning of the last mission), you are practically DYING for whichever person (and you do have some choice here initially) to do you raw.   Graphic language there?  Sure.  But it's true.  I myself have been dreaming about this CGI character that Commander Shepard is about to bone for like two weeks now.  ...I'm telling you it's hot.  SHUT UP.   

The game play is pretty awesome and I have found I actually have a knack for First Person Shooter games.  There are a couple things I would change as far as mobility issues (in the weird little moon car) and such, but overall it's user friendly and super effing boss.  BOSS.

Here's the trailer for the game, just in case I didn't geek out enough on this...pretty sure I did. 

Btw, Mass Effect 2 is coming out in 2010.  And yes, I just peed myself. 

Awesome Time-Suck

I have discovered a new way to sit in my own filthy pajamas, eat tons of Chinese food and wonder what day it is.  That way is the game Mass Effect.

Mass Effect came out a couple years ago from Bio-Ware for Xbox 360 and my friends got it then.  I watched them play the first hour or so and knew that it was cool.  I just didn't know that it was THIS COOL.

I finally borrowed it from said friends (thank you, Neil and Richelle) after putting it off for quite some time.  You see, I am intimidated by "aiming" games.  And while much of what you find in Mass Effect is more of the role playing style that I love, there is also some running around aiming and shooting at things from a first person perspective.  So I put it off.  I'm not really good at that sort of thing and I was trying to avoid my inevitable tantrums at my ineptitude that I sometimes have when playing video games.

So I'll admit, when I started a game I put the "target assist" level on high and the difficulty level on "pussy."  Turns out, Mass Effect is the perfect way to ease into the first person shooter world, and after logging about 24 hours game time this weekend (where am I?  Who am I?), it turns out I am not half bad at the whole aiming at things and shooting them dead.  Not only is the game ridiculously awesome, but it has also opened up a WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME in gaming.  Halo here I come!....okay I don't know if I"m ready for that yet, but soon!

In any case, it's also one of those "reading games" that requires a lot of talking to people too so if you're into that AND you like shooting stuff, go for it.

There's a pretty good review at Gamespot if you're interested.

Today, pretty much all I can think about is getting home and stopping Saren from finding the Conduit all the while hoping that the dreamy Lt. Alenko will just grab me and kiss me already. 

I Want Them as Pets

I love the Rabbids so much I want to eat them and snuggle them and yell "daahhhhh!!!" with them.  They are one of my current obsessions because they are the perfect combination of cute, weird, kind of creepy and spastic.  I like spastic things.  There are tons of videos of them as well as awesomely fun video games.  Here's one that has a bunch of little ones put together.  But there are many others to be enjoyed...by you...I've seen them all.

At Least Now I know Why I Can't Get a Job

So apparently some recruiter has been told specifically not to send employers candidates who play Warcraft.  You can find the details here on Geekologie.  Pretty interesting.  Pretty annoying.

I mean first of all, isn't that a little discriminatory?  I get that you don't want assclowns that won't work hard and stuff, but please.  JUST Warcraft?  Come on.  What about people who can't leave social networking sites or youtube alone?  Hmmmm?  Solitaire anyone?  And anyone can stay up too late and have their sleep patterns messed up.   People watch late night talk shows, go out and drink too late or stay up knitting all night (I'm looking at you, Hyde).

This amuses me mostly because my question is this:  WHY would this even come up in an interview unless someone specifically asked "do you play Warcraft?"?  I mean what kind of toolbag sits down and tells their potential employer about their geeky vices?  I suppose if you do, you deserve to not get hired.  I can just imagine that interview - "well yes I was top of my class at Harvard Business School, I single handedly invented the dollar sign and in my spare time I'm a level 75 feral specced Night Elf Druid and Guild officer in the guild 'Spooge Yer Face.'"

Baffling.

Oh and in other Warcraft news, some of you may remember when my guild split up and I was totally devastated and all that crap and since then haven't had a home, well we're back together!  Sort of.  All the cool kids finally started their own and since they're all my bffs I'm an officer again.  Ah it's so NICE to finally be able to sign on and have thirty five people greet you with exclamation points and LOLs again.

....hehe...too geeky? 

Can You Get Virtual Chlamydia?

  Hey look!  A virtual prostitute!  From Second Life, the game where you make an avatar and do THE SAME SHIT YOU DO IN YOUR DAILY LIFE, go to work, drive cars, etc.  It's like a multiplayer online  Sims basically.  Also, it's boring as shit.  I love online games like Warcraft, but that's because I get to cast spells and throw fireballs and massacre monsters.  In Second Life you can...I dunno...drive a Hummer?

You know what you can also do apparently?  Bang a prostitute and get divorced from your real life wife.  That's what this one dude did.  Now, keep in mind, he had met his wife playing Second Life, they fell in love, got married (even had an in game ceremony)* and then he banged another player's avatar and his wife left him.  You can read all about this fuckery in this article. 

Look.  I play a lot of video games.  And I'm lucky that my husband also plays a lot of video games.  If not, yes it might cause some strain in our relationship.  But it doesn't.  We are fortunate.  But my husband and I also function in the REAL WORLD.  We have flesh and blood friends and family, a very active social calendar, jobs and plenty of extracurricular activities.  It takes stories like this to remind me just how normal we actually are when it comes to this stuff.

Because frankly, I think meeting someone in an online community and then ACTUALLY meeting them and dating them is weird.  It's creepy.  I'm not talking about dating sites.  Those are fine (even though the one time I used one my friend and I ended up getting drugged).  Anydaterape, there are people I play Warcraft with that I have fun "questing" and chatting with online.  But I have about zero desire to know anything about these people or ever meet them.  Because then where is the fun?  When you think of your friend Elvenfingerbang, you don't wanna know his politics, religious views, sexual history or that he likes long walks on the beach.  You wanna crack jokes and blow up bad guys.

Now I do admit that the people I've been playing with for awhile I know a couple of their real first names or that they might have kids or whatever.  Small talk stuff.  But you best believe I'm not meeting up with any of them to type "/serenade" or "/makeout."....Is that the lamest joke I've ever made?  I don't know.  I mean I guess it could be.  Eh, it's probably not the worst.

So   I guess what I'm trying to say is....WOW.  I mean WOAH.  I mean I just can't picture it (Badpie furrows brow, pictures her avatar casting a healing spell on an elf, elf then saying "how YOU doin'?"...Badpie is sad).

*Accidently walked in on a Warcraft wedding in the Chapel one day.  An entire guild of like fifty people were there to watch two of their friends wed.  And I really needed to see the first aid trainer so I had to run right through the middle of it....it was...awkward.

Epic Shuddering WoWgasm

Ciggie?

Today I Am Become God

  Friends.  Today is a magical day.  Today is a day that will live on forever.  A victory for all mankind!  A triumph of the human spirit!  Yes, my companions.  Today, I have reached the pinnacle of awesome.  The summit of super.  The peak of totally awesome pwnage.

I am level 70 in World of Warcraft.

Sure it took me over a year because I'm not Asian.  And sure I've never bought gold or payed a 12-year old Korean in a sweat shop to level for me.  I have earned this.  It is sweet.

A whole new world has opened up for me, folks.

I am officially a member of the big dog club.  At level 70 I can now do quests that will earn me a shitload of gold, I can now go to the battlegrounds and face a legion of opposing warriors and not get totally slaughtered.*

Yeah.  It pretty much rules.   Sigh.  The only bad thing is that now I only have three days to enjoy it before the new expansion pack comes out and I have to work my ass of to get to level 80!

So I just wanted to pat myself on the back.  Because this is important.  To the world**.  I have really accomplished something.  I mean THIS is what life is all about***.  Totes.

*This is a lie.  Asian teenagers will never not slaughter me in the battlegrounds.  It's all I can do stay alive for five seconds.  This will never change.

**...of Warcraft. 

*** Sad,right?

Is Azeroth Red or Blue?

Awesome.

Hell Hath No Fury Like an Avatar Scorned

I play online games.  With people.  Sometimes I have made "friends" with these people.  Depends on the object of the game really.  I have seen people get "married" on World of Warcraft, their loving guild watching on in the chapel as they walk down the aisle to pledge eternal digital love to each other.  I have seen the online, real life funeral of a Warcraft player get attacked (okay it's KIND OF messed up they did it, but I can't help it, it's hilarious.  Skip to 2:25 for the good stuff).  Well apparently...well I'll just let you read this.  Because this is hilarious.  Just downright silly and awesome.

Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby

By MARI YAMAGUCHI, Associated Press

TOKYO: A 43-year-old Japanese woman whose sudden divorce in a virtual game world made her so angry that she killed her online husband's digital persona has been arrested on suspicion of hacking, police said Thursday.

The woman, who is jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his identification and password to log onto popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in mid-May, a police official in northern Sapporo said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.

The woman had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.

She has not yet been formally charged, but if convicted could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.

Players in "Maple Story " raise and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting against monsters and other obstacles.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead.

Oh. READY FIGHT, INDEED! BRING IT!!!!

So. A couple of years ago I wrote this awesome sketch for my sketch comedy group spurn that involved Chun Li.  Now....I don't know if you KNOW who Chun Li is, but Chun Li is only the most awesome, kick ass video game chick that's ever lived (in a video game).  She was my first real taste of feminism in the game Street Fighter , using her massively muscled legs and cute Asian school girl looks to defeat many a sweaty, manly joke in that game.  I loved how her Chinese girl character background had the stereotypical "man swinging duck by neck", "bicycle rider", and "lowly tenement dweller."  *   She was my goddess for years of my youth.  I was totally unbeatable (ask my brothers, even though they'll tell you they could kick my ass with Ken and Ryu -...but those guys were fags so it doesn't count).

So in honor of my legendary, heroic feminine figure, of course they made an awful movie, when I was young.  But I SINGLE HANDEDLY BROUGHT CHUN-LI BACK INTO THE FOLD a couple years ago when I did the video at the bottom of the page.  Originally a massively popular stage-piece, converted to video by popular demand (stage is still way better, but you get the idea).

SINCE my written dedication (and portrayal) of the goddess that is Chun Li, they have decided to make a movie.  YES.  A MOVIE.  Starring Kristen Kreuk, who is ALASKAN....which is NOWHERE NEAR BEING CHINESE**.  But I digress.

Also today on Geekologie , I see a whole Cosplay entry detailing Chun Li.   WHERE IS THE LOVE? I ask?  WHERE!  Please do enjoy, the ORIGINAL, the magnificent, the bitter and jaded spurn production of Super Hyper Dinner Party II Turbo .

 

*  I'd like to point out that the game is Japanese and everything she says is Japanese, including "Ya Ta!", which means "I did it!"  Total Japan up in this joint.

 

** Okay I'm not Chinese either.

Jetpack + Brontosaurus = ?????

Yup...it's a game.  Coming soon.  From Flashbang Studios.

I mean...

WHAA???

Jetpack Brontosaurus (Coming Soon!) from Matthew Wegner on Vimeo.

Sure, Some People do DRUGS

I however do video games. 

It started out innocently enough.  I was...nine...or ten.  That's when I tried it for the first time.  Super Mario Brothers.  Seemed harmless.  I did it once, maybe twice a day, just a few boards here and there.  No big deal.  And then I got pretty good at it, you know.  Like I wouldn't even need all my three lives to get to the final board and "clear" the game.  Once you clear it, I mean...what then, you know?  I got bored.  Started experimenting.  Zelda mostly.  Some Mega Man.  I mean those were my stand-bys.  But I couldn't even tell you how many I rented night after night.  Some of them I didn't even like!  But I did them anyway.  I can't remember what they were called, some of them...didn't ask...  Eventually I was just plugging in and playing whatever, even the crappy stuff like Mickey Mousecapade and A Boy and His Blob.

                                                 

Pretty soon there were better ways to administer them, better systems to play, better graphics, better music.  You know, I probably could have stopped, probably could have played more sports or had more friends if only the Super Nintendo hadn't come out.  I don't remember much about that time except that there were...more buttons on the control pad and...sigh...this is hard.

Anyway with the Playstation came my introduction to The Final Fantasy series.  I plunged into the RPG world, never looking back.  I've been there a for a long, long time, friend.

To make my long, tragic story short I'll just catch you up to now I guess.  A little while ago I was introduced to the mother of all games.  World of Warcraft.  When it tried it it was like POW!  I mean I'd never experienced anything like it.  It was what I had been searching for all these years.  I'd finally found it.   And it was multi-player.  Suddenly it didn't matter that I wasn't going out in real life to real parties.  All that mattered, the ONLY thing that mattered was raiding that dungeon with my "guild"...which I guess is a nice way of saying "people I was using with."

It's still a big problem for me, this - oh man I'll just say it - ADDICTION.  I can't kick it and I don't want to.  And just when you think it's at its worst?  Just when you think you've hit rock bottom and you've eaten yourself out of Ramen and there are potato chip crumbs permanently stuck to your loser chest, the sad remains of the day - Just when you think you cannot descend further into this MADNESS...

Your friends give you and Xbox 360 and introduce to you... Oblivion.

I do both on a pretty regular basis now.  Every day, basically.  And you think it's enough, you know?  It's never enough.  I'm suddenly itching to try the GTA IV multiplayer mode.  I know I shouldn't even go there, but it's inevitable at this point right?

Anyway, my name is Badpie and...well I just wanted to share.  Thanks for listening and God Bless.  Be strong.