Badpie Bakery

Not Nearly As Scandalous As I'd Hoped

Ladies and gentlemen, it's 2009 and the latest makeover for the 50-year old Barbie Doll is:  TATTOO BARBIE!

Now, this picture on the left was what I was a) expecting and b) hoping it would look like.  Because who doesnt' love a good tramp stamp or target tattoo emblazened on the back of a child's toy?

Alas, it is far more innocent than this.  I am crushed...and kind of relieved.  Here I thought a whole new generation of little girls were gonna be ho-bags before the age of 12, but aw shucks.  They're just stickers.

Tat Barb has a bunch of cute little panda and butterfly stickers that kids can stick all over her body.  I watched the video below, prepared to be an aging, stodgy, harumphy "grown-up" who says things like "Kids today!" and "It's filth!" and "Damned minorities!"  But I wasn't.  It's totally innocent.

In fact the only reason I'm posting the video is because of the weird things in it such as the random geese at the minute mark and the oddly awkward reporter on a kids' swing ten seconds later.  Weird.  Enjoy.

UPDATE:  Here is the link to the video that used to be here.  I took it away because it just started playing everytime the god damned page would load and it was making me homicidal.  So if you really want to see it, hit the link.  What a selfish, obnoxious video!  Just assuming that it's the first damn thing I want to hear and see.  If I wanna watch you, I'll press play...FOOL. 

Ze Camel...Toe

Ladies, you know you have had a problem with this at one point or another in your life.  The crotch wedge.  The CAMEL TOE.  Don't lie.  It's happened to you.  Whether you were working out in tight pants or your khakis were too small because you gained weight and you had to hike them up over your muffin top to where they cut off the circulation in your whispering eye*, you've experienced camel toe.

Well the folks at Cuchini know how you feel.  So they've created a pad that you can shove down the front of your pants when your delicate petals are HONNNGRAYY and try to eat your draws.  And it will prevent you from doing the awkward yanking, twisting, dancing, squirming that comes along with it.  After all, you don't want your camel toe to turn into an extreme case of moose knuckle.

I personally tend to wear pants that don't lift and separate, but even I have days of unfortunate wardrobe choices that are only revealed way too late to do anything about. 

Of course Dlisted was the site that brought this to my attention.  Because it's awesome.  And hilarious.

So there you go girls.  If you constantly find yourself with a case of vacu-poon, contact these folks and order yours today.

*See Role Models starring Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott and this will be explained to you...actually you can probably just figure it out. 

  

My Favorite Picture Today

Ah.  Yes.  I remember this.

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No Word Other Than Awesome

Sprang!

Spring sprang recently and the past few days in NYC have been unseasonably warm, getting up to 85 degrees.  It's beautiful and sunny and I'm loving it.  My favorite thing to do in the spring and summer and autumn months is walk my usual route all around Prospect Park here in Brooklyn.

But today, Richelle reminded me that Tuesdays are free admission at the Botanic Gardens, which also just happen to be a very short distance from my home.

 It is BEAUTIFUL there right now.  Their orchard of cherry trees was so pretty I damn near got choked up about it.  And the smells!  Folks, if you live in or around NYC, get thee to the Botanic Gardens!

I was trying to get some exercise so I kind of whizzed by some of it.  But now I have an idea of what areas are the most in bloom and beautiful, so sometime this next week I'll go when I have a chance to stroll leisurely, perhaps dressed as a geisha and carrying a parasol.

Have a beautiful day, folks!

An Update From The Front Lines of Cute

Breaking news from Australia as Cute-spondent Shayne has visited the Taronga Zoo to visit little Monifa, the baby hippo that  gave me a seizure a few months ago.

Shayne reports that Monifa "looks like chocolate and kept bobbing her butt up and down in the water."

Excellent reporting, Shayne!  Enjoy your time in the land of cute! 

Vegetarian Fail

In the interest of being honest with everything I write on this blog, I have a confession to make.  Awhile ago, in my quest to go vegetarian, I took the step of eliminating fish from my diet.  It was the last step in the whole "no flesh" thing.

Well folks, I have been a bad bad vegetarian.  Lately, I have been eating fish.  So...I guess the term "vegetarian" doesn't really apply to me anymore.

Don't get me wrong.  I still would prefer NOT to eat fish, but I have been weak lately and the draw of sushi or a glorious batch of fish and chips has been just too much for me to resist.  I'M ONLY HUMAN DAMMIT!

Actually I don't feel that bad.  Fish can be healthy for you and I really haven't eaten that much anyway so I mean it's not like I haven't done my part to NOT eat fish over the past few months.  I can't even say I won't eat it again.  But I can say I will try.

So that's my little confession of the day.  What's yours? 

I've Greened My Blog!

I've added the One Million Acts of Green widget to the right hand column on this here blog.  Because it makes me feel good about myself.  So check it out...unless you hate da Erf.   ...You don't...HATE da Erf do you?  DO YOU?!  I thought not.  Clicky.

This picture amuses me in its irony....wait...is that irony?  I can never tell.

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So You're On Life 23 Now Right?

I have an old cat.  An extremely old cat.  He's 16.  Actually 16 is probably a pretty normal "old" age for most cats.  But this cat has been sickly since we met him about four years ago.  When we adopted him, he had already been returned to the shelter once because the folks who adopted him were "intimidated" by his health problems.  HOW HORRIBLE IS THAT?  So of course, being the huge sucker I am, I looked past all the other perfect healthy young animals, pointed to the little emaciated orange one in the corner and said "that one."

When we got him he had irritable bowl problems and a heart murmer.  A few months later we found out he had a thyroid problem and needed to go on meds for that and some steroids to help with his bowel problems.  We've spent god knows how much money on this little bugger over the years, and every time we take him to the vet we expect the vet to say "Jesus this cat is old.  We should put him down."  But no.  Generally he's been a pretty perky little thing content to howl at us every day and snuggle up with us and purr.

A couple weeks ago he was really sick.  He wasn't able to breathe it seemed so we of course took him to the vet, who took x-rays and saw that his entire chest cavity was filled with fluid and it was constricting his poor little lungs, which had shriveled to about a third of their capacity.  So they did bloodwork and sucked out the fluid, then said they weren't sure what was wrong with him, but we should pay $300 anyway and make an appointment with a specialist.  Sigh.  Okay.

At the other vet, where we could get what we needed done (ie: $500 more dollars of work) we found out that now in addition to his other problems he has heart disease, kidney disease, digestive disease and a high white blood cell count which COULD mean some weird infection or a sneaky cancer they couldn't find (although for $500 they maybe could have looked a little harder...I'm just sayin').  So things didn't look good for our little hero.  And he didn't look good either.

For a few days he did nothing but sleep and have the shits and we had to shove meds in his face and squirt baby food down his throat.  And on Saturday we even thought that this was it.  That Monday we would take him to the vet and put him to sleep.

Well he must have heard what we were thinking and said "eff that noise" because he immediately perked back up.  Seriously he's all walkin' around, chowing his food, bothering us in the morning and generally being the old surly kitty we know and love for the past couple of days.

So I guess I'm wondering how many lives he has, actually.  And how much longer he'll be around.  Not getting my hopes up too much, but he seems happy and comfortable for at least a little while longer.  I'm amazed. 

And I just realized this was a really long blog about my cat, which is something that is either awesome or the lamest thing I've ever written.  Oh no...wait... THIS is the lamest thing I've ever written. 

Trek Yourself

So Cheez-It has some tie-in with the new Star Trek movie and you can "Trek Yourself " which means putting your picture on a face which will then talk and say whatever you want it to say.  Mine turned out pretty horrific.  Sorry about your nightmares tonight.

UPDATE:  I had to take this god awful thing off of here because it just played every time the page loads.  It was annoying the shit out of me and I wanted to kill my horribly disfigured face.  Sorry for those who missed it.  You will be nightmare free.

Get The Humane Society on the Horn!

This is the new ad campaign for Guess with Paris Hilton.  Guess?  Guess what?  How long that dog will live after this shoot?  How many Herp cooties have migrated to his poor little head?

You know.  I gotta hand it to this ho.  She works harder than anyone I know at doing nothing and being famous.  She's the original famous for no reason person. The one who spawned all the Kim Kardashians, Heidi Montags and various other useless hunks of flesh...I guess when I put it that way...OFF!  OFF WITH HER HEAD!

Nothing but class here, folks.

And get that poor dog to the free clinic!

Tickle Me Loris

Top Ten High School Pricks in Movies

The Ten Spot just put out a list of top 10 high school pricks in the talkies.  And I gotta say, it's pretty amusing.

I'm only too happy when anyone mentions Roy Stalin from Better Off Dead.  The ultimate douche.

The number one pick was Johnny from The Karate Kid and I agree.  I mean he and his friends did beat Daniel within an inch of his life in that one scene that my mother used to not like me to watch.  And that HAIR.  Anyway, hit the link for the full list, including Tracy Flick as an honorable mention. 

Thanks, Neil.

That Show Would Be Rad if it Hadn't Sucked

Finally! A REAL Earth 2!!  Only far more entertaining and way more scientifically accurate.

From Yahoo.  Click here for the full article.

  

HATFIELD, England – In the search for Earth-like planets, astronomers zeroed in Tuesday on two places that look awfully familiar to home. One is close to the right size. The other is in the right place.

European researchers said they not only found the smallest exoplanet ever, called Gliese 581 e, but realized that a neighboring planet discovered earlier, Gliese 581 d, was in the prime habitable zone for potential life.

"The Holy Grail of current exoplanet research is the detection of a rocky, Earth-like planet in the 'habitable zone,'" said Michel Mayor, an astrophysicist at Geneva University in Switzerland.

An American expert called the discovery of the tiny planet "extraordinary."

Gliese 581 e is only 1.9 times the size of Earth — while previous planets found outside our solar system are closer to the size of massive Jupiter, which NASA says could swallow more than 1,000 Earths.

Gliese 581 e sits close to the nearest star, making it too hot to support life. Still, Mayor said its discovery in a solar system 20 1/2 light years away from Earth is a "good example that we are progressing in the detection of Earth-like planets."

Scientists also discovered that the orbit of planet Gliese 581 d, which was found in 2007, was located within the "habitable zone" — a region around a sun-like star that would allow water to be liquid on the planet's surface, Mayor said.

So go ahead, humans!  Go ahead and ruin the one we have!  It's not like we can't just get another!  Awesome!  I've been going about this whole "Save the Earth" thing the wrong way!  "Get Another Earth!" is what we should be saying. 

In all seriousness how cool would it be to one day find a way to live on another somewhat similar planet.  I mean...I think "woot!" pretty much covers it.

Herbalist Mommy

My friend Richelle has a new blog!  So now not only can you buy wonder herbal remedies from her, you can read about her daily or weekly exploits as a natural, herb loving earth mother.

Herbalist Mommy is up and running and will no doubt be full of amusing stories about her two year old in no time.  Check it.